It's August 3rd 2022 and I'm fighting off that exhausted, downhearted feeling. This is not occasioned by the ghastly interminable hot weather nor by a looming encounter with a date in the immediate future when I join the ranks of those nearer to eighty than seventy. No, I am frustrated and even occasionally melancholic [ in a superficial sort of way ] as no-one is listening to my opinions on contemporary social and political maters.
She who must be obeyed gave up paying attention to such things way back in our forty four year partnership. Others who may be vaguely close at hand are convinced that the summit of the hill was reached, if indeed it was scaled at all, years ago and that I am certainly now well over it. So I thought the editor of the Times would be astute enough to recognise a few droplets of undiluted wisdom as they mystically appeared upon his [ a position that remains a male preserve surely ] screen and hasten to publish them to an audience as wide as the mouth of the Mississippi.
But sadly this has not come to pass. There was a time when the aspiring letter writer to the Thunderer received an appreciative post card expressing regret that publication was not possible. In 2022, however, you get nothing for your rejected work of genius, not a sausage. I fear now, dear reader [ what a trite and patronising phrase that is ] there is no alternative. Confident that my very few blog appreciators will not now desert me but will plough or skip through these supposedly witty aphorisms, I offer them to you with a characteristic lack of humility, composed as they were largely in my armchair, watching the world, or at least some of its most worthy inhabitants, pass by on their journey down Osberton Road. That source of stimulation has clearly been woefully inadequate so fresh tactics, perhaps even a spanking new strategy, are required. Such dramatic upheavals may be just around the corner but they must wait while I share with you twenty unpublished letters from the last three years, some of which might have changed the course of something but probably not by very much. Thank you, here goes and bon voyage.
15th September 2019 on Mr Dominic Cummings
Sir, If it is necessary to have the unelected, interloping Mr Cummings running the country, could someone please pay him a sufficient salary to enable him to afford some respectable clothing? We need to look up to our leaders rather than feel sorry for them.
30th March 2020 on a right wing peer's objections to the first lockdown
Sir, The omniscient Lord Sumption may be aware that it is the first duty of government to protect the country's citizens without discrimination. Is it not interesting and even a little strange that he does not include protecting us from death by pandemic under the umbrella of this responsibility?
26th May 2020 on Mr Cummings as he claims to be [ as Antony described Brutus ] an honourable man
Sir, Even if Mr Cummings is considered both completely honest and entirely honourable, he should by now have resigned in the interests of the country he claims to serve, thus removing a major distraction to the efforts of us all in defeating Coronavirus. That would have been a real indication of true honour.
27th May 2020 on the continuing preoccupation with the chief advisor as Mr Johnson gives him a special environment in which to state his Barnard Castle case
Sir, As Dominic Cummings is possibly wont to say to his admiring Prime Minister, ' I beg your pardon; you always promised me a rose garden '.
18th June 2020 on the requirement for all immigrants to sign up to traditional British Values
Sir, In recent years the Conservative government has been insistent on trumpeting some ill defined ' British Values ' and insisting that these form the foundation of our society. The obedient citizens, having been subjected through press conferences to the supposed cream of that government on a daily basis for three months, might invite these chief exponents to consider the following qualities or values which most of us hold quite dear: Modesty which prevents a ceaseless blowing of one's own trumpet; Honesty which leads you to admit when you are in the wrong; Contrition which ensures an apology when a mistake has been made; and Companionship where 'we' is always more important than ' I '.
5th August 2020 on the failing test, track and trace system
Sir, Three things are clear: Coronavirus is with us for some time; an effective test, track and trace system is needed to keep the virus in check; the government's current version is not up to the task. Is it possible in response to this critical situation that the government might: show some humility and admit the inadequacy of the current model; introduce an alternative based not on hyperbolic independence but on efficacious examples from elsewhere; set aside its centralist tendencies and trust local authorities with real responsibility?
4th September 2020 on Mr Cummings again [ with apologies ]
Sir, He who rules over us warned that the lieutenants needed to help him in the execution of his duties would be misfits and weirdos. Now that we have the country's education system in the hands of a furniture salesman, the tracking and tracing system masterminded by an amateur jockey and our trading arrangement entrusted to a failed Catholic priest, we know that guru Dominic did not speak in jest.
10th September 2020 on the Prime Minister's description of another new testing programme
Sir, Moonshot or moonshine?
5th October 2020 on a hard line to control Coronavirus
Sir, It seems that public houses and universities are the main centres of, and driving forces for, the current alarming spread of Coronavirus. As learning at the tertiary education stage and drinking at any stage can both be accomplished with equal effectiveness at home, why is there a delay in shutting down all public houses and colleges right speedily?
8th October 2020 on the government's attempts to tighten some already confusing regulations
Sir, A message for Her Majesty's government: a school is not a university and a restaurant is not a public house.
27th December 2020 on Boris Johnson's approach to the deployment of a vaccination programme
Sir, Would you be good enough to inform Mr Johnson, the Prime Minister, that at this seminal moment in our history we do not need bugles, moonshots, world beaters or even a boosterish version of the much vaunted up-levellers. What we do need and what may help Mr Johnson if he is not to be cast rapidly into oblivion, is the speedy, efficient and effective implementation of a Coronavirus vaccination programme to cover all those who want it; this to be achieved without fuss or fanfare.
14th February 2021 on aspects of co-education [ rather refreshingly ]
Sir, Myths are important in education. Young children appreciate them as stories; their more senior counterparts learn the difference between them as fiction and historical facts as reality. Teachers meanwhile will occasionally indulge in the myths of educational theory and practice. Boys' schools, we are told, sometimes move to co-education because of the ' civilising ' influence of girls. Whether this be a comment on intention or consequence, it is rubbish. Since the days when ladies of influence were to be found lurking behind the thrones of Roman emperors, frequently plotting to terminate the lives of those in front of them, it has been clear that it is quite possible for women to have a less than culturally enhancing influence both on their own gender and on males of the species who, in order to impress, move off in a less than desirable direction. Where there's a Clyde, there will also be a Bonnie; a Baader is frequently found to be in the thrall of a Meinhof.
Not much less mythical is the claim on behalf of single-sex schools that their inmates need not be concerned about appearance and apparel, enjoying that freedom to look as though they have been ' pulled through a hedge backwards '. Whether this be a virtue or otherwise, it is certainly far from being the preserve of single-sex schools. If it is scruffiness you want, you may find it practised by both genders in co-educational schools, sometimes on an epic scale.
It might just be the case that the impact of the gender mix in schools on pupils' appearance and behaviour is not material. There may be interesting arguments concerning academic aspirations, co-educational involvement and social development that determine what sort of schools we choose to work in or as destinations for our children but when it comes to young human behaviour, you may find it has nothing to do with co-education but depends on the context, environment, philosophy, curriculum, leadership, example and messaging of any particular school.
12th January 2022 on high time to move on from Boris
Sir, The people have stopped expressing disapproval of the Prime Minister and instead are simply laughing at him. If masquerading as a clown is his chosen style, he may well be happy with the current state of affairs. Tory MPs, however, should be worried that we are laughing at them too as they flounder like flamingos paddling in treacle with no clue as to what to do next and no gumption to risk striking out independently.
28th January 2022 on the Prime Minister's response -- ' rhubarb ' -- to questions that he approved the airlift of animals from Afghanistan
Sir, Some might say that rhubarb is most commonly associated with a fool.
9th February 2022 on the Prime Minister's choice of wine at Partygate functions
Sir, It is extremely disappointing that a former Etonian and member of te Bullingdon should stoop so low as to serve, apparently, Mionetto Prosecco at his office parties in Downing Street. Can we club together and send him on a wine appreciation course?
17th April 2022 on Priti Patel's scheme of sending asylum seekers to Rwanda
Sir, Should it not now, in a time of crisis, be the principal responsibility of the Home Secretary to devise and oversee a ' world beating ' scheme to accommodate Ukrainian refugees rather than expending very considerable amounts of time, energy and our money on giving vent to the government's xenophobic programme of shirking our responsibilities through expelling asylum seekers to an unknown future in Rwanda.
5th July 2022 on the specious claims made in defence of Mr Johnson's achievements as pressure on him grows
Sir, Four observations: first, the Conservatives would have won the General Election of 2019, regardless of the identity of the party's leader, such was the strength of opposition to Mr Corbyn and his philosophy. Secondly, Brexit is far from ' done '. Thirdly, the management of Covid has not been one of unalloyed triumph -- witness: late lockdowns; returning Covid sufferers to care homes; failure of track and trace systems; wasteful PPE contracts. Finally, the jingoistic approach to Ukraine may in the course of time [ possibly quite a long time ] look rash and overstated. So much for ' getting it right on the big calls '.
20th July 2022 on a prospective undeclared candidate for Conservative Party leader
Sir, May I, through your columns, comment on Sir Graham Brady, recently rather busy as chairman of the 1922 Committee? Through his absolute discretion he has displayed genuine integrity. He is thoroughly competent, getting a job done efficiently and without fuss. He does not tend towards hyperbole but says things as they are. He seeks no glory for himself but is happy to deliver outcomes for the benefit of others.
Perhaps Sir Graham Brady has the qualities needed to be our next and a successful Prime Minister.
28th July 2022 on the summer drought
Sir, In 1976 some of us observed at a time of acute water shortage that we are an island surrounded by that essential commodity, with desalination therefore potentially playing a major part in addressing our dehydration problem. In the mid-1990s when we were embarked on a serious search for alternative sources of energy, some of us repeated our earlier observation and added that harnessing the eternal power of the tides could be at least a partial solution to the challenge of generating clean energy. In 2022 we are told that sea levels around our coast are rising. Perhaps now we could look to the high seas that have determined so much of our history and address all three challenges simultaneously.
31st July 2022 on the legacy of the London Olympics
Sir, Analysis of the legacy of the 2012 London Olympic Games has understandably concentrated on the continuing use of facilities, the development of areas adjacent to the sporting venues and the impact on sports participation by those of all abilities. Such investigation is important but incomplete, overlooking three essential areas of evolution: first, the engendering of enduring community spirit which has proved so resilient in the troubled years that have followed. We witnessed this in the society based torch relay, the legion of welcoming volunteers showing us the way wherever we found ourselves and the use of the army, always at its best in semi-civilian roles, for security purposes.
Secondly, the 2012 Olympics heralded a major advance in women's sport in the appreciation of it and its exponents by the general public. Slowly that reluctance to see sport slip from its image as an all male preserve has given way to general acceptance and in many cases positive enthusiasm. In 2012 Jessica Innes-Hill was the ' poster person ' of the Games and the first Gold Medal, after an interminable wait of four days, was won by Heather Stanning and Helen Glover in rowing. In 2022 there are more medals available for women than for men in the Commonwealth Games and 18 million people watch the final of the European Football Championship on television. Women's sport has a place in the national psyche now which previously was only the subject of dreams.
Finally, the 2012 Olympics took the Paralympic events to a similarly new height with sold out venues watching more athletes than ever before. Watching and valuing these performances have helped British Society to view disability in a different and altogether more natural and positive light. We should stop to think how we used to view those disabled; perhaps we stood and stared or perhaps we obviously averted our gaze. If now we find ourselves more at ease in the company of those with challenges that we do not have, such sentiment may well have its root in the paralympic events in 2012 and thereafter. The legacy of the London Olympics is mighty big and mighty good.
And that, now dearest reader if you're still there, is that, you'll be relieved to learn as you collect your prize for honest endeavour, commitment, resilience etc etc or perhaps it's just a matter of:
' Dear Ed ' I wrote ' You've got some mail.
And he said ' You're quite past the pale;
Your letters are tosh,
With cliches awash,
Not even a sting in the tail '.
3rd August 2022
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